I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
