we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
