I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
