oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
