We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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