did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
