ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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