after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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