I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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