Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
