He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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