if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
