3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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