I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
