you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
