nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
