I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
