so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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