...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
