Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
