when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
