wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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