11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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