Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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