Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
