Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
