Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
