God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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