it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
