Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
