Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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