Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
high people should be assigned attendants
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
