considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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