Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didn't notice because vodka
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
