I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
