Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
