Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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