why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
