apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
