dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
