There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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