My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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