Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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