Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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