dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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