i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
