He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
