You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
