no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
