I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
