I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
