whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
