The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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